This was a be learning for me in 2024: "The things that are fun in moderation, and hard to moderate. The things that are “treats” that we then expect to give ourselves all the time, totally ignoring the concept of a treat being something occasional and special." One day, I woke up and just told myself I was an adult and I didn't need a treat to get through my day. I usually hate tough love, but it was sobering and really helpful. Great read!
I am adopting your tough love stance! Also, need to face up to the fact that normal challenges aside, I do not have a hard knock life, and do not need to reward myself.
I find a lot of parallels with the recent popularity in low/no-buys with the diet culture of the 2010s - one of things we used to say was, "it's not a treat if you have it every day - it's a habit."
I've been off booze for just over 7 years - I did get a lot of pressure at first, but it was because I was a bit of a boozer prior. I had to explain to all my friends what it was like to be surrounded by alcohol what felt like all the time, and how hard that was, and how they could help me.
I enjoy shopping for many reasons, and don't have any incentive or inclination to slow down...but I do shop mostly thrift/secondhand and it's all in-person/local. I also buy almost nothing for my home - things are accumulated as we find them, but we're good about donating and letting things go that don't resonate for us anymore.
It looks as though you've found the perfect balance, which is what everyone is striving for! Good point about the old diet culture - I was just thinking that I haven't seen so many of those "New Year, New Me!" articles that print magazines used to love so much, but now all I see is low/no-buys. Which, obviously, I embrace, because I think we're all over the rampant, thoughtless consumerism of hauls and buying for the sake of it.
"When I stopped buying clothes, it closed a door in my head that was always ajar, and when it was closed, I could properly focus on what I had"....so well stated! I hope to close that door in my head.
Last year I attempted the rule of five, and while I failed miserably, I did keep a list of what I bought & when, why, how much it cost. I also noted whether or not I regretted the purchase. It was an eye opening experiment, one that I will continue in 2025, but after assessing my list, and looking around my very full closets and cupboards, I want to question every single purchase, not just clothes. I am hooked on shopping, period. Like you, I don't drink alcohol and I have made many changes in my life. But one week into the year, and I am struggling with not shopping. I'm going to save this essay in my anti-consumerism toolkit. Thank you!
I hope it is useful! It is hard - I keep thinking, WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF CANDLES??!? and then checking myself, because I just really want to buy them. I think though, that your notes on what you bought last year is such a useful exercise, and will stand you in good stead going forward!
This is so, so inspiring, and so honest, Louise. Fascinating (I especially love the revelation about the connection in response to your not dying your gorgeous grey, and not drinking alcohol. SO interesting!). And I love your mother's wisdom, too. So good. So much I am going to reflect on here!! (Now I'm getting all caught up!) XO
"When I stopped buying clothes, it closed a door in my head that was always ajar, and when it was closed, I could properly focus on what I had." - thank you for sharing this thought, Louise. I feel like I didn't take advantage of the closed door during my no buy last year and so I didn't truly appreciate the clothes that I have as thoroughly as I would have liked. But this year, with the low buy, I feel like this is exactly where I am! I am loving putting together outfits with items that I truly love and in a way, I'm re-discovering my personal style which I neglected for a few years because of experimentation (I'll blame the transition from brown to silver hair for this 😆 but maybe that's just an excuse).
I gave up smoking 12 years ago too - I also loved it (still love one cigarette once in a blue moon) but it was entirely habit driven, part of a routine, part of the day to day. I could mark the course of the day with my cigarette breaks. It was life changing when I stopped, also because I could still smell my perfume at the end of the day instead of the permeated fumes in my clothes.
Yes! The breaks in the day were one of the hardest things to deal with - I stopped taking a break until I knew I could do it without wanting to smoke. And having my sense of taste come back, and everything smelling fresh and clean - that was wonderful!
Thank you for writing this!! I can relate to this on so many levels; don't drink and people projecting their issues with it on me, letting the silver sprinkle through and having a brain that loves to purchase 'things.' There is a saying I heard years ago; if it's not a man it's a martini, if it's not a martini, it's a master-card, if it's not a master-card, it's a muffin... I've spent my adult life up and down the ladder of that. Thankfully these days I don't obsess over men, martinis and muffins-- but home goods, clothing, books and trips? Look the fuck out! I didn't have much awareness over my obsession with it until this last year. I posted a few weeks ago that this is the year I'm going to consume less and get financially literate. Two words I didn't know could go together...
Yes! I feel as though it’s like a paint tube - you screw the top on and it oozes out the bottom, you fix the hole in the bottom and it finds another way out. Now I’m seeing that the problem is that I need to stop squeezing the damn tube!
I'm hoping that a low-buy just becomes my default mentality over time, perhaps more a "slow-buy" habit rather than defined by a fixed quantity. But for now, a number helps keep my focused and gives me something to work around.
That's the key, though - it absolutely has to be what feels right for you. I don't think there's any merit in giving yourself restrictions for the sake of it, because it's much easier to stick to something that feels natural to you.
"The things that are fun in moderation, are hard to moderate". What a well put thought. Me and my husband joke that "if it tastes really good, it's really bad" and it certainly is true to all pleasures.
It’s funny but I don’t drink and I haven’t since I was 19 and no one has given me a hard time about it. I’m not sure why. Maybe because everyone knows me as a non drinker from way back so it’s just accepted. Anyway I feel grateful about that.
It sounds like you are in a good head space to start the new year 😊
I've just read your piece on breaking stagnant habits. It's brilliant!
You're quickly becoming my Guru for life management.
I also want to apologise because I know that I've done that whole "go on have a glass of wine" thing to you in the past. I gave up alcohol for last January and although I have the occasional drink I rarely enjoy it, plus I'm conscious that my memory is getting really bad and alcohol consumption is only going to make it worse.
We recently spent the weekend with some friends who are big drinkers and of course Chris was OK with that but after a couple of hours I just had to say I wanted a glass of water. They didn't understand and did the "oh come on, have another drink", so I just explained about my memory and the fact that alcohol is an actually poison. They seemed to accept my explanation. Either way I'm happy with my decision.
So now I know how you felt when I'd nag you to have wine. Just took me a while to work it out for myself.
This was a be learning for me in 2024: "The things that are fun in moderation, and hard to moderate. The things that are “treats” that we then expect to give ourselves all the time, totally ignoring the concept of a treat being something occasional and special." One day, I woke up and just told myself I was an adult and I didn't need a treat to get through my day. I usually hate tough love, but it was sobering and really helpful. Great read!
I am adopting your tough love stance! Also, need to face up to the fact that normal challenges aside, I do not have a hard knock life, and do not need to reward myself.
I find a lot of parallels with the recent popularity in low/no-buys with the diet culture of the 2010s - one of things we used to say was, "it's not a treat if you have it every day - it's a habit."
I've been off booze for just over 7 years - I did get a lot of pressure at first, but it was because I was a bit of a boozer prior. I had to explain to all my friends what it was like to be surrounded by alcohol what felt like all the time, and how hard that was, and how they could help me.
I enjoy shopping for many reasons, and don't have any incentive or inclination to slow down...but I do shop mostly thrift/secondhand and it's all in-person/local. I also buy almost nothing for my home - things are accumulated as we find them, but we're good about donating and letting things go that don't resonate for us anymore.
Excellent article, Louise! Thank you so much.
It looks as though you've found the perfect balance, which is what everyone is striving for! Good point about the old diet culture - I was just thinking that I haven't seen so many of those "New Year, New Me!" articles that print magazines used to love so much, but now all I see is low/no-buys. Which, obviously, I embrace, because I think we're all over the rampant, thoughtless consumerism of hauls and buying for the sake of it.
I try…I don’t always succeed.💕
Once you see the diet culture parallel it’s hard to unsee it.
"When I stopped buying clothes, it closed a door in my head that was always ajar, and when it was closed, I could properly focus on what I had"....so well stated! I hope to close that door in my head.
Last year I attempted the rule of five, and while I failed miserably, I did keep a list of what I bought & when, why, how much it cost. I also noted whether or not I regretted the purchase. It was an eye opening experiment, one that I will continue in 2025, but after assessing my list, and looking around my very full closets and cupboards, I want to question every single purchase, not just clothes. I am hooked on shopping, period. Like you, I don't drink alcohol and I have made many changes in my life. But one week into the year, and I am struggling with not shopping. I'm going to save this essay in my anti-consumerism toolkit. Thank you!
I hope it is useful! It is hard - I keep thinking, WHAT IF I RUN OUT OF CANDLES??!? and then checking myself, because I just really want to buy them. I think though, that your notes on what you bought last year is such a useful exercise, and will stand you in good stead going forward!
This is so, so inspiring, and so honest, Louise. Fascinating (I especially love the revelation about the connection in response to your not dying your gorgeous grey, and not drinking alcohol. SO interesting!). And I love your mother's wisdom, too. So good. So much I am going to reflect on here!! (Now I'm getting all caught up!) XO
I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! And it's funny how certain things we do (or stop doing) provoke a defensive response in others!
It really is! And such an interesting observation. Really loved this essay!
"When I stopped buying clothes, it closed a door in my head that was always ajar, and when it was closed, I could properly focus on what I had." - thank you for sharing this thought, Louise. I feel like I didn't take advantage of the closed door during my no buy last year and so I didn't truly appreciate the clothes that I have as thoroughly as I would have liked. But this year, with the low buy, I feel like this is exactly where I am! I am loving putting together outfits with items that I truly love and in a way, I'm re-discovering my personal style which I neglected for a few years because of experimentation (I'll blame the transition from brown to silver hair for this 😆 but maybe that's just an excuse).
I gave up smoking 12 years ago too - I also loved it (still love one cigarette once in a blue moon) but it was entirely habit driven, part of a routine, part of the day to day. I could mark the course of the day with my cigarette breaks. It was life changing when I stopped, also because I could still smell my perfume at the end of the day instead of the permeated fumes in my clothes.
Yes! The breaks in the day were one of the hardest things to deal with - I stopped taking a break until I knew I could do it without wanting to smoke. And having my sense of taste come back, and everything smelling fresh and clean - that was wonderful!
Thank you for writing this!! I can relate to this on so many levels; don't drink and people projecting their issues with it on me, letting the silver sprinkle through and having a brain that loves to purchase 'things.' There is a saying I heard years ago; if it's not a man it's a martini, if it's not a martini, it's a master-card, if it's not a master-card, it's a muffin... I've spent my adult life up and down the ladder of that. Thankfully these days I don't obsess over men, martinis and muffins-- but home goods, clothing, books and trips? Look the fuck out! I didn't have much awareness over my obsession with it until this last year. I posted a few weeks ago that this is the year I'm going to consume less and get financially literate. Two words I didn't know could go together...
Yes! I feel as though it’s like a paint tube - you screw the top on and it oozes out the bottom, you fix the hole in the bottom and it finds another way out. Now I’m seeing that the problem is that I need to stop squeezing the damn tube!
the human condition = insatiable creatures!
I'm hoping that a low-buy just becomes my default mentality over time, perhaps more a "slow-buy" habit rather than defined by a fixed quantity. But for now, a number helps keep my focused and gives me something to work around.
That's the key, though - it absolutely has to be what feels right for you. I don't think there's any merit in giving yourself restrictions for the sake of it, because it's much easier to stick to something that feels natural to you.
"The things that are fun in moderation, are hard to moderate". What a well put thought. Me and my husband joke that "if it tastes really good, it's really bad" and it certainly is true to all pleasures.
Yes! So annoying:)
It’s funny but I don’t drink and I haven’t since I was 19 and no one has given me a hard time about it. I’m not sure why. Maybe because everyone knows me as a non drinker from way back so it’s just accepted. Anyway I feel grateful about that.
It sounds like you are in a good head space to start the new year 😊
Better than I expected to be! I wonder if it was because I was a companionable drinker, so people were annoyed when I stopped?
I've just read your piece on breaking stagnant habits. It's brilliant!
You're quickly becoming my Guru for life management.
I also want to apologise because I know that I've done that whole "go on have a glass of wine" thing to you in the past. I gave up alcohol for last January and although I have the occasional drink I rarely enjoy it, plus I'm conscious that my memory is getting really bad and alcohol consumption is only going to make it worse.
We recently spent the weekend with some friends who are big drinkers and of course Chris was OK with that but after a couple of hours I just had to say I wanted a glass of water. They didn't understand and did the "oh come on, have another drink", so I just explained about my memory and the fact that alcohol is an actually poison. They seemed to accept my explanation. Either way I'm happy with my decision.
So now I know how you felt when I'd nag you to have wine. Just took me a while to work it out for myself.
Miss you and your wisdom. 😊🤗
Love you 😘